Sexual Gossip
06.07.10
It’s not your ordinary type of gossip. It carries much more weight than that. Sexual gossip can either build you the reputation of a demi-god or destroy any chances at a happy ending to everafter. But what makes sexual gossip so much more powerful than ordinary gossip?
It can determine whether you end up with a line of men eagerly awaiting their turn or a frigid excuse for a mattress. It can be a damnable lie. It can be peppered with indiscriminate points-of-view that can never be retracted or refuted. Regardless of the nature of the gossip, it more than likely never gets back to you, which is why it can be so powerful.
We, as Americans, are often hesitant to discuss anything sexual in the open. At best, we might whisper about it to our most intimate friends. I never really paid much attention to the social norms most people operate under, hence my ease at discussing it all on such a public domain. Even still, I recognize the power of sexual gossip and wonder how often I am the benefactor or the victim of it.
I definitely know others have been the victim of it. For instance, there’s one man I know who has been labeled a “starfish” – an otherwise hot man whom upon entry into the sack simply lies there, thinking his general sexual appeal can compensate for his lack of sexual prowess. As you might imagine, I’ve never desired to engage with him sexually, despite finding him attractive. Without even questioning the veracity of the claim, my interest is all clammed up.
I also had a friend who recently hooked up with a supposedly well-endowed man. To his shock and dismay, it couldn’t have been further from the truth. The question then becomes whether my friend had been set-up. We’d come to find out later that the informant was of lesser endowment himself and could have potentially arranged the sting as a payback for my friend being a self-professed size queen.
It can be an ugly arena of verbal sparring, where the worst weapon at hand is the accusation of HIV status. I’ve had friends falsely labeled as HIV + from embittered former lovers. I’ve seen others actual status spread around the room like wildfire. However, it’s a delicate dance, especially in a world where there are those who are HIV + that deceive sexual partners and consequently infect them.
If someone freely informs a sexual partner beforehand, I can see no reason why anyone would need to pass along that information. Obviously, the person is conscientious and will inform future partners as well. It’s stories like the one I heard last week that strike fear into my heart.
A HIV + man informed two perfect strangers, myself included, how his ex-boyfriend had infected him. That ex-boyfriend was then going around telling others that it was this man who had done the infecting, but thankfully he had avoided the infection and was HIV -. Apparently, a future sexual partner believed the lie and then became infected by this former boyfriend. The man was furious and has threatened to report it to the police if his ex continues to lie and consequently infect further men.
In this case, it brings into question whether the word might need to be spread to others, as he’s obviously putting others’ lives at risk without remorse. The danger though is whether others can truly be believed. Is his ex-boyfriend that heinous of a person? Or is he that enraged by their break-up that he’s willing to say anything nasty about his former lover? It’s impossible to determine truth in the midst of potential motive.
Regardless, I’ve been the benefactor of some great sexual gossip. From time to time, I get a sexual referral. Someone I’ve had sex with in the past relays the experience to a friend or sexual partner. I just got an email the other day from someone I’ve never met but must have heard the good word from a couple I know. I can’t help but smile at having such an esteemed sexual reputation.
However, it does put me under some undue pressure to perform. It’s not a challenge I shirk from though, but accept with genuine eagerness. But what if I did something to upset those that once glowed about me? It still makes me cringe at times, knowing how vicious and how quickly a tongue can be turned against you. Often, we never know what others are saying about us, but we must recognize its power upon those who do not know us.
Who knows how many times a man has looked at me with disdain simply because he has received a share of sexual gossip that isn’t true. I’ve been lucky, but how many more of us out there are unfortunate. All I can say is that if there’s any gossip that should be broached with the person in question it is sexual gossip. Even if it’s a rave review, someone should find out first-hand. I think the world would be a much better place if we all took it with a grain of salt and determined the truth for ourselves.