Internet Connections
06.14.10
It really isn’t that easy after all. It seems to be. It promises to be. It provides every other inkling that can lead up to the final culmination of actual, real, in-the-flesh physical action, but it so rarely does, unless you invest an inordinate amount of time in your internet pursuit of sex.
Porn is easy. You can find most anything your sick little heart desires for free and download it to your personal library. Trust, I have quite the impeccable collection. There’s always new movies being pirated and new porn stars to peruse. However, when it comes to actually crossing the ether into reality, there’s much less successful hit rates.
I know this and I’ve spent way too much of my life in the past online, lost in the promise of a kingdom-size come. The problem is that once in a blue ball moon, you do meet up with someone from online and it does lead to satisfying sex. Chances are that they are just as frustrated and horny as you are. Whereas they might not give you a second gander at the bar, online they are much more willing to entertain you, especially if you have the right assets.
One of the hottest lays I’ve ever had took some convincing, but eventually was at my door. He turned into a semi-regular fuck buddy that still drives me wild just thinking about him. It was one of those rare gold rushes. And just like the purveyors of the wild west panning for precious metal, there are more hours spent with your neck craned over the reflective surface, prying for that minuscule glimmer of gold amidst the rock and worthless rubble than spent with your hands polishing a worthy stone.
I definitely had a problem before I began this year. I could spend hours before the screen, searching for something good. I’d multi-task my search for boys while perusing the latest porn updates, priming the pump in case it was called into action. Often, it led nowhere but to a mammoth waste of time. So many profiles were fakes or flakes and few had the motivation to actually connect. Since I’ve been back on the scene, I’ve spent a little time at old habits.
However, it’s not the same as it used to be. I’ve not returned to any of the sites I once rummaged through. I’ve stuck to just one, a new one that allows me to look without having an account or online presence. It fits into my approach to meeting men in the real world, letting me look without getting sucked into the vortex of illusory promise. Sure I could create a profile and see what happens. I might actually, but I’m in no rush and my intent is merely to see what’s going on.
It really isn’t much to be honest. There’s only been three boys that are worth even a mention. The first one is someone I’ve seen at the gym lately. He keeps staring me down and he resembled a guy on this site, dudesnude.com. The next time I saw him, I was careful to take note of any identifying marks, i.e. tattoos. Lo and behold, there was one that would surely show in his profile. When I went back to verify, it was there. This man was the one and the same and so were the nude and erect photos and video clips of much more.
The second man is actually someone I’ve messed around with before. Whenever we’re both on IM, we exchange a word or two. He’s eager to reconnect. What he doesn’t know is that it’ll never happen. He has a boyfriend and it’s only sex to him. I’m not interested in the least. However, that doesn’t mean I don’t get a kick out of riling him up. It’s one of the few times where I take the distance provided by the internet and use it to my advantage.
Finally, the last man, who I’ve lusted after for years, suddenly popped up in my perusal. I’ve run into him on site after site, with the same pictures and profile name. It’s one of the few profile names etched into my mind. I wonder if we ever met in person if I might accidentally call him by it. Anyway, he was online the other night and I had to reach out and touch him. I sent him an email, expecting no response.
However, to my surprise, he did respond. I knew he had a boyfriend and lived farther away than was plausible for an impromptu meeting, but I couldn’t resist. When I sent him a picture of my newly chiseled body from the camera on my phone, he responded in favor of taking the next step. We texted back and forth, getting each other riled up to the brink of disaster. However, there was no way for us to meet and we were both crestfallen.
From his email response, I had his full name. Some boys just aren’t as savvy when it comes to being an internet super sleuth or discreet super slut. It was all I needed to learn a bit more about him than I already knew. Facebook was the ultimate tool. In seconds, I had a whole slew of photographs and personal information on him. One piece was surely sad though. That night was his birthday evening. I couldn’t believe it.
Even though he has a boyfriend, he’s spending his birthday online, searching for sexual connections. When it was apparent that we weren’t able to hook up, he went off to bed. I just imagine him lying there, pining away for something more as he lay next to a boyfriend that obviously didn’t do enough to entertain him on his birthday. Surely, my overactive imagination is at work, but it still made me feel a tinge of pity for him.
So the next day I sent him a picture he had requested and I had denied. He seemed to enjoy it, actually, more than I expected. Our innocent texting had turned into hardcore sexting and I was happy to entertain it. I just wanted it to turn into the real thing. We had to leave it at a promised rendez-vous when I return. We’ll see if he remembers me. I surely won’t forget him, but yet again, these internet connections are fleeting and yield so little fruit.